You come from the west,
I come from the east.
Like a story in a fairy tale,
I fall in love with you because your kindness and handsomeness...

You always smile at me,
You protect me...
I guess you feel the same...

But one day...
I find my family covered in blood.
They all died...
I see you hold a sword...
Covered by red blood.
You killed them...
You killed my family!

My father, mother, brothers, and sisters...
There're gone forever...

You love me, don't you?
So why you make me cry?
I can't hate you no matter what...
No matter how deep my sorrow, I just can't kill you.
I don't have any power to go against you...

In my life...
There have always been many things I knew I could never have.
So I know when to give up.
It's the same way now...
I don't care anymore...
It really is worthless...
If I just keep thinking that,
I'll become numb.

I stand among the crowd,
But my mind goes somewhere.
I remember our old days,
When I was still young.
You became my friend, adviser, and also rival…

Hey, old man…
Do you know that my eyes are yours?
Do you know that my nose is yours?
And do you know that my skin color is yours too?
People said that I look like you when you were young.

So, how could I possibly forget you,
If parts of me resemble you?

I don’t think I can be as good as you.
You are the best man I’ve ever known.

I’ll miss you…
Your duties become mine now.
Good bye, dad…
This is my last goodbye…

(Dedicated for my beloved friend who lost his precious father)

It was spring when we first met.
A beautiful spring.
We knew each other, but we didn't close.

Another year passed by....

It was spring again.
You were there, with your friends...
You were talking,
smiling,
laughing,
and did many silly things.
I was looking at you from a far...

Time went so fast..
It's been three years...
Since I acknowledged my feeling for you.
My feeling that similar to the spring flowers.
Sweet and beautiful.

I hope it's always spring,
So that my feeling for you will always bloom.

The first time we met,
I wanted to be friend with you.
The second time we meet,
I wanted to be your best-friend.
The third time we met,
I wanted to be a special girl in your life.
The fourth time we met,
I wanted to be your girlfriend.
The fifth time we met,
I wanted you to be mine, alone.

I've seen this in my dreams countless times.
I chased him from behind,
on and on,
and on...

He has grown so much,
even his appearance has changed.
I shouldn't have known what he looks like.
Yet, I continue chasing after him.
And every single time,
I never catch up...
The thing that I'm missing...


I never catch up,
every single time...


But,
I stretch out my hands.
I stretch out my hands over and over...
Just so I can reach you.
You, who are important to me,
and who also lack something as well.


But,
I guess I catch up this time...

When the flowers of spring blooming,
When the snow start melting,
When the scent of earth floating in the air,
When people begin to worship their gods and goddess,
The angels start to sing,
Sing a song of destruction,
Destruction upon the earth,
The angels of war come to earth,
Slaughtering,
Destroying,
The worship turns into screaming,
The anger of God to the mankind,
The anger of God because human's sins,
A little girl closes her eyes,
and starts mumbling: "Please forgive us."

I'm waiting under a big pine tree.
It's raining.
It's not really hard,
but I don't want to get wet.

It's still cold.
There's snow on the tips of the branches.
The rain last longer than I thought.
I've been standing under the pine tree more than thirty minutes.
A good smell from the tree....
It's refreshing.
The green leaves and the white snow make me calm.

I wonder when the rain will stop,
and I can go home.

I wish upon the stars.
I want to be a map maker.
The map maker of a tree of life.
The tree of life that can bring joy.

The tree of life fulls of fruits.
Every people can take the fruits.

People just don't get any clue the location of the tree of life.
People often misguided,
or they confused to choose the right way.
I hope the map that I make can help them.

I know that they are guided by their father.
Their father tries to guide them to the tree of life.
But sometimes they get bored with their father.
It makes their father really sad.
I just want to help their father.

To draw a good map I need
patience and carefulness.
Patience to redraw again if I make mistake.
Carefulness in making the details of the map.
I mustn't make any mistake.

I want to give the maps to every person in this world.
If they forget their father, or they get lost,
They can take a look at my map.
With this, I can help their father.
So they don't get lost and they will be able to get to the tree of life.

People live to find happiness.
People live to earn much money.
People live to get fame.
People live to find the meaning of love.
People live to have a happy family.
People live to work.

What if they can't find happiness?
What if they can't earn much money?
What if they can't be famous?
What if they can't find the meaning of love?
What if they don't have a happy family?
What if they can't get job?

If people only live for impermanent things in this world,
even they find happiness,
have much money and become famous,
they will not satisfied.
They will find another purpose.
That's the nature of human: never get satisfied.

At 3 my parents introduced me to punches and kicks.
At 5 my friends tought me to steal.
At 8 my friends asked me to bully someone.
At 15 I stole cars with my group members.
At 16 I went to prison.
At 20 I killed my step father.

I spent my years with extraordinary things.
People always said that I could change to be someone better.
But the case is, there's no one believe if I change.
They will think that I was a thief, a naughty kid, a murderer.
Nothing good I will get although I change to be a better person.

Life is a mess, man.
Trust someone, he/she will mess your life.
Fall in love with a good girl/ boy?
There's nothing good in this world.
There's nothing such a good prince/ princes.
It's only a beast.
Trust this world and people who live in it,
means your life is a mess.
At the end you'll end up alone.

Yesterday I made a bowl of porridge betrayal.
I needed a spoon of salt anger,
1kg of flour sorrow,
1/2kg of sugar disappointment,
1/2 spoon of sauce pain.
I mixed them together,
Then I put them together into a pot, and cooked it.

Today I made a broken heart juice.
I needed the heart of my boyfriend's girl.
1 glass of the laughter of my boyfriend's girl.
A spoon of the smile of my boyfriend's girl.
1/2kg of their love.
The last ingredient was 1 tea spoon of their affair.
I put all of them into a juicer.
Wait until they blended together and became tears.

That was the recipe that I got from yesterday and today.
If you are interested to it, then try it.

I don't want to be the sun.
It only appears in the morning,
and then vanish in the afternoon.

I don't want to be the moon.
The light is not permanent.
It can't win over the clouds.
When the clouds cover it, the light will vanish.
It will disappears when the dawn comes.

I don't want to be the stars.
They are lovely,
but the light is not bright enough.
I can't see their light in the broad daylight.

I want to be the sky.
The sky that contains the sun,
the moon, the stars, the clouds, even the storms.
The sky that always watches the ground from above.
The sky that will remain the same where ever you look at.

You don't have to tell me,
I know that I'm different.
You don't have to understand me,
I know that I'm kinda complicated.
You don't have to like me,
I know that I'm unlikable.
You don't have to treat me good,
I don't deserve it.

I just want you to have a little faith in me.
Believe me that I wont betray you.
That's the only thing I can promise.

chances often come to everyone.
but people often unaware when the chances come.
some of them even throw away those chances.
i also often skip many big chances.
regret? yes of course!
well, i'm not kind of a person who will
rest my butt in a comfortable chair and wait patiently.
i will not wait for chances,
i'll get those chances!

Do you know that I still get stuck here?
I'm still in the middle of nowhere with no one.
There are many roads in front of me.
I don't have someone to talk about which way I should take.
And I don't even know the road that leads me to the right direction.
You left me without a map or food or water.
I don't even remember how long I've been here.
Still, I can't decide the road I should take.
I'm still confused.
For me, they are the same.
But I do sure they have different endings.
I realize you will not come back to help me.
Then, I should move on without you.
But, I still want to stay here for a while.
I need time to think.
It's just not the right time to move on,
and to choose a new road.
I have to prepare some things before I walk further.
I also need to find food and water.
But I think I should go soon if I don't want to die
because of hunger and thirst.

I want to continue living,
and let the times that have passed become
part of my memories.
So that one day when I look back,
I can say that "I was happy",
with a smile on my face.

I do believe that childhood is the most wonderful phase in human life.
That was the phase when I didn’t know the word “problem” yet.
I didn’t have to think about complicated matters.
What I knew just the word “play”.
I didn’t care what would happen tomorrow.
I just needed to close my eyes, and then tomorrow would come.
When morning came I would play with my friends again.
I still remember my mom often scolded me.
I used to be a naughty kid.
I often had fights with my friends.
Well, at least I had not known that math is damn difficult.
I didn’t have to think that this world is such a mess.
I didn’t have to think about my future.
Where there were friends and lollipop that was my heaven.

setiap kerja keras pasti ada upah.
setiap keputusan yang tak egois pasti akan membawa senyum orang2 disekitarmu.
setiap jalan yang terjal, pasti punya ujung yang indah.
setiap air mata, akan dihapus oleh senyum.
setiap peluh yang bercucuran akan diperhitungkan.
setiap luka akan disembuhkan.
setiap senyum akan diganti oleh tawa.
setiap ketulusan pasti akan dibayar mahal.
hanya semua itu ada waktunya.
semuanya tidak akan terjadi secara instan.
manusia hanya bisa menunggu.
menunggu Yang Maha Kuasa membuka jalan dan pintu.

Semua orang berjalan melintasiku. Senyum maupun tangis terukir di wajah mereka. Aku hanya diam. Aku tak bergerak sama sekali. Aku merasa seperti berada dipersimpangan jalan yang ramai dengan orang yang berlalu laang. Lampu berwarna merah, menandakan saatnya pejalan kaki untuk menyeberang. Mereka berjalan disamping kiri-kananku dan depan- belakangku. Mereka berjalan, tetapi aku diam ditengah persimpangan yang ramai itu. Mereka tak menghiraukanku. Bahkan mereka tak tau  jika aku disitu. Dengan pakaian seadanya dan rambut acak- acakan, bagaiman orang bisa memperhatikanku? Bahkan untuk melihatku saja mereka malas. Mungkin mereka pikir aku adalah gelandangan yang tak punya rumah dan tujuan. Saat ini bagiku dunia sedang berhenti berputar. Jam berhenti berputar. Di duniaku aku membekukan waktu. Karena jika aku tak menghentikan waktu, aku harus berjalan lagi. Saat ini aku sedang lelah berjalan. Aku tak mau kembali ke jalan yang pernah kulalui. Tak ada yang bisa kutemukan disana. Hanya tumpukan sampah. Ya aku memang gelandangan. Dulu aku mencari makanan ditumpukan sampah. Kini aku mencari rumah, rumah yang nyama yang bisa kutempati, dengan penghuni yang mau menerima gelandangan kotor seperti aku ini. Tapi aku belum mau berjalan, aku belum mau mencari rumah itu. Aku tak mau merepotkan penghuni rumah, siapapun itu. Saat ini aku ingin sendiri, menikmati pemandangan yang sama setiap hari. Memperhatikan orang2 itu melewatiku. Melihat lampu merah yang masih menyala. Aku tak tergesa- gesa, karena tak ada yang menungguku di depan sana. Aku ingin menikmati sinar matahari, hujan dan salju yang menjadi temanku. Mereka setia menemaniku. Walaupun panas atau dingin aku tak mau beranjak. Bukan tak mau, tapi aku belum ingin beranjak. Jika aku sudah bosan berdiri sendiri di tempat ini, dan jika lampu hijau sudah menyala. Maka aku akan berjalan lagi. Aku akan meninggalkan tempat ini. Gelandangan yang dekil ini akan berjalan dan mencari rumah yang mau menampungnya. Tapi untuk saat ini, aku masih ingin membekukan waktu dan tetap berdiri di tempat ini, melihat wajah2 yang sama dan wajah2 asing yang lewat.