Waking up in somewhere
Alone….again..
I don’t surprise anymore.
Different nights,
Different places,
Different people,
And different girls..

Don’t blame me.
Blame God, who made me adored by many girls.
Cindy, Luna, Jean, Gwen, Nathalie, Anne…
Don’t make me recall all those names.
Cindy has the most beautiful eyes in this world.
Luna? Her legs are truly gorgeous.
I can hardly remember their faces.
The one thing that I’m sure about them is they are pretty girls.

Don’t ask me which one of them I like the most.
I like girls.
I love them.
Thanks God, He created Eve for Adam.
And thanks God I’m not Adam, who only had one girl.
Don’t misunderstand, honey.
I’m not a playboy,
I’m the Casanova, baby…

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How can I trust my life to you
if you have a gun in your left hand?
if you have a knife in your right hand?
if you have poison in your mouth?
if you have arrow in your eyes?
even by looking at me, you can hurt me..
what will you do if you were me?

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I can hardly remember you.
It happened a long time ago when I was a kid.
Those few memories still linger in my mind until now.
Sometimes I feel that I miss you.
Sometimes I feel I want to see your face,
your beautiful grey eyes,
your white and wrinkle skin,
your white hair had special smell.
I don't remember the smell,
but it was different....
I like when you smiled...
Grandma...I miss you...
I still remember I was crying when they burried you.
Unlike me, the other kids didn't cry.
I didn't know why they didn't cry.
I told God that you were a good grandma.
And I'm sure you stand close to Him now..
I told God that I miss you.
Have you received my message from Him?

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Indonesiaku adalah negara suci.
Semua penduduknya adalah orang suci.
Yang ingin tinggal di negaraku harus orang suci.
Semua yang datang ke negaraku harus suci.
Bahkan para pemimpin negaraku adalah orang- orang suci.
Semua yang ada di negaraku itu suci.
Korupsi itu suci.
Pembunuhan itu suci.
Perampasan itu suci.
Kelaliman itu suci.
Semuanya dianggap suci.
Negaraku tak mengenal kata dosa,
karena semua yang ada di sini dianggap suci.
Apa kamu sudah hidup suci?
Kamu harus suci.
Jika tidak suci,
kamu akan ditangkap para penegak hukum yang suci.
Kalau kamu orang suci,
maka kamu bisa tinggal di negara suci ini.

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i wanted to tell u that today was a sunny day.
the sun was shining so bright.
the heat made me a little bit hot and sweaty.
but still, i was happy...

it's 12.00 a.m.
i still can't close my eyes.
i smile when i remember funny things about u.
i cry when i remember that i can't see u again.
can u help me to close my eyes?
so i can dream about u and meet u in my dream?

i don't want tomorrow to come.
i want to sleep forever,
so that i can dream about u forever.

no matter how many times i ask God
to make me smile,
i just can't.
isn't it weird?
when we were together,
it seemed smiling was the easiest thing to do.

and then i realize,
i can't smile without u.
is it right?
no, it is not.
i have to smile even without u.
i don't want to make u worry.
i want to leave sweet memories between us.
because i love u...
that's my reason for smiling and living on my days.
maybe i'll cry again someday,
but i'll make sure i'll smile more....

(dedicated for my friend, Wiwin Winarsih, who lost her beloved lover. may God gives u strength)

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someday u will know,
the feeling of forgiving someone that u don't want to forgive.

someday u will know,
the feeling of to be forced to forgive someone.

someday u will know,
the feeling of restraining from hating someone.

someday u will know,
the feeling of wanting to forgive someone,
but your pride holds your mouth to say "i forgive u".

someday u will know,
that forgiving is the most difficult thing in your life.

someday u will know,
that forgiving is a must,
not an option.

someday u will know,
that forgiving means forgetting.

someday u will know,
that u are so childish if u don't want to forgive someone.

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i don't remember if u were there when i was born.
were you happy when i was born?
i wondered what kind of expression on your face at that time.
were u disappointed because i was born as a girl?
or were u happy because i was born as a girl?

when i was a little girl,
they said u barely stayed by my side.
yet, i didn't feel lonely.
sometimes, i felt that i was okay without u.
it was not that i didn't need u.
of course i needed u.

it was because i already used to live without u.
i could smile without u,
i could laugh without u,
i could fend for myself without u,
i could eat and drink without u.
i could walk and run without your help,
i knew this beautiful world,
though u never introduced it with me.

sometimes i wondered,
did u even think about me?
did u miss me when we were apart?
i didn't know what was inside your mind.

so, was it wrong if i didn't need u?
was it wrong if i only had little love for u?

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when you were a baby,
i fed you,
i dressed you,
i kept you,
i carried you on the back,
i protected you from any harm,
i sang a lullaby for you every night,
i read you a fairy tale to bring you to your sweet dreams.

when you entered your teenage age,
i saw you started to spread your wings,
but i still held you.
i watched you everyday,
i knew that at these ages
love would introduce itself to you.
sometimes you saw me as an enemy,
sometimes you saw me as a friend,
i didn't mind it,
i just didn't want to see you hurt because of love.
you still didn't understand about love.

when you became an adult,
i let you to spread your wings widely,
i let you fly high,
i let you to reach your dreams.
i would not hold you anymore.

i let you fly so you could be free.

but now i can't see you anymore,
you fly too far away and high,
the sky is yours now.
fly my baby, fly..

though i can't see you anymore,
i can feel that you are happy.
i can feel your warmth through the sun's light.
i can feel your touch through the wind.
fly sweetheart...fly...

(dedicated for all parent who lost their children in Sukhoi accident)

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don't always follow the sound of your heart.
it can deceive you sometimes.
the sound of your mind doesn't always wrong,
it makes you think logically.

if a person only follow his heart's sound,
someday he will break his heart.
if a person only follow his mind's sound,
that person will be a heartless person.

if life is about balance,
then you must make the balance between
the sound of your heart and mind.

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i see it in your eyes,

a deep anger...

the flame in your eyes will not slake.

at that time i realize,

you look at me as a villain.

it's not what i want.

i never think that it would be like this.

the truth is,

i don't want you to choose that thorny path.

that's why i drag you from that path.

i know you are bleeding,

and i know i hurt you.

but that's the only way i know to make you out of that path.

i know,

i know that you detest me.

that's the risk i should take.

but,

isn't it the use of friend,

to make you realize when you make mistakes?

to take you back to the right path if you go to the wrong direction?

i see...

you still don't understand my intention...

you don't believe me..
your eyes say that from now on,
i'm your foe...

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i decided that no one would ever again
open the box created long ago by God.
secured with many, many locks.
it still exists...
in the innermost...
depths...
of my heart.

i decided that it wouldn't be touched a second time.

but then i hear a terrible sound,
from the innermost...
depths...
of my heart
sealed..
and secured by many of my own locks.
it was not to be opened a second time.

it was the sound
of the last lock
being opened...

yes...
i got a taste of this emotion
in the not- too distant past
i remember this feeling...

(Skip Beat!)

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human is simply like a kite,
has many different colors and shapes.

if kite can fly,
human also can fly too,
to reach his dreams.

if kite has string.
human has a life string,
that's what we call 'destiny'.

if kite is flown and controlled by someone.
then human also being controlled too,
by God.

both human and kite need someone
to control them,
so that they don't fly aimlessly.

human is simply like a kite....

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i have many expression...

but it doesn't always show my true feelings...

when i smile,

it doesn't mean that i'm happy.

when i cry,

it doesn't mean that i'm sad.

when i choose to be cool and silent,

it doesn't mean that i don't have anything to say.

when i talk to much,

it doesn't mean that i'm mad.

i'll never let anyone see my true feelings.

i'll always hide my feelings deep in my heart.

because if i let people see them,

they will know my weakness.

i hate when people know my weakness.

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an angel gets bored with heaven.
the angels doesn't want to obey God anymore.
the angel doesn't want to protect God's secrets anymore.
the angel turns against God.
the angel puts off her white wings,
and puts on the black wings.
the angel goes down to the world below.
the angel feels the pleasure to be the part of the world below.
the angel commits the greatest sin.

will God forgive her?
will God picks her and brings her back to heaven?
will God gives her her white wings again?
will God tells her God's secrets again?
will God trust her again?

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if u are mine,
i'll treasure u...
if u are mine,
i'll give u my life and love...
if u are mine,
i'll make u the happiest person in the world...
if u are mine,
i'll let u take the control of everything...
if u are mine...
i'll do everything u want...

if u are mine,
i'll accompany u to watch romance movie...
if u are mine,
i'll cook everyday for u...
if u are mine,
i'll sing a lullaby for u every night...
if u are mine,
i'll be by your side until u sick of me...

it's only if u are mine....

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it's okay if u don't love me.

it's okay if u never think about me.

it's okay if u don't remember me.

it's okay if u think i'm an unimportant person.

it's okay.....

i just want to leave a little of me in your heart.

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if cinderella doesn't have the glass shoes,

if snow white doesn't eat the apple,

if the beauty doesn't like rose,

will they be able to meet their princes?

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i already decided not to fall in love.
so, no matter how i madly in love with u,
i'll restrain my self.
i'll keep my self away from u.
because i should not fall in love at this point.
though i admit that i fall in love with u,
i'll find a reason not to fall in love with u.
i'll find many reasons to deny it.

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you, even if u tripped and fell into a pit...
u only want to remain in your own beautiful world.
u and i live in two really different worlds.
people like u,
who live in another world,
can't compete with me from the start!
if u want to beat me,
then u must leave that world...
and fall into the pit.
when u do,
i will recognize u as my rival.

(Skip Beat! Chapter 30)

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