I poison my heart.
I make it sleep for a long time.

I build a castle in the middle of dark fores.
I put my heart in a hopeless castle.
I build walls around the castle.
Tall and strong walls.
I grow thorny trees outside the walls.
No one can enter the castle.
No one can even get close to it.

You can't find the castle without magic.
What if you can find it?
There are many monsters wait for you.
What if you can defeat the monsters?
You have to climb the thorny and tall walls.
What if you can climb the walls?
Before you can enter the castle,
My shell will kill you.
You won't win over my shell.
It's bullet prove, it can heal any wound quickly, and
It can't feel pain.
It is programmed to kill anyone who wants to steal my heart.

It's not the story of sleeping beauty.
I don't wait for a prince charming to wake my heart up.
When the poison fades,
My heart will wake up.
It will come back to my shell.
When that day comes...
I will go out of the castle.
Climb the walls, and defeat the monsters by myself.
Someday, I will see the world again.
Someday....
Not today....

I cry a lot, but it doesn't mean I'm weak.
I smile often, but it doesn't mean I'm happy.
I get angry easily, but it doesn't mean I'm impatient.
I'm honest, but it doesn't mean I can't lie.

Ketika kamu merasa bahwa cinta itu tak ada,
Ingatlah bahwa ada orang yang mempertaruhkan nyawanya demi cinta.
Ketika kamu merasa bahwa damai itu musnah,
Percayalah bahwa ada orang yang mengusahakan perdamaian.
Ketika kamu merasa bahwa sekitarmu adalah kebohongan semua,
Carilah! Maka kamu akan menemukan kejujuran.
Ketika kamu merasa ingin menyerah,
Ingatlah bahwa banyak orang yang mendukungmu.
Ketika kamu merasa bahwa keadilan itu tak ada lagi di dunia,
Jangan pernah lupa bahwa Tuhan itu Hakim Yang Adil!

She thought she was a princess.
She thought she lived in a castle.
She thought she had beautiful dresses and shoes.
She thought she had servants who served all her needs.
She thought she would be queen someday.
She thought she would find a prince charming.
She thought she would have a forever happy ending.
She though her life was perfect.

My life’s story starts with a blank page.

I start to make a tiny dot, black dot…

Then, I start to write a word.

I continue to write sentence.

Then sentences turn into paragraphs.

Time has gone so fast...

Sometimes I stop and read the previous pages.

They are very colorful, very beautiful and attractive.

Sometimes I use black, red, pink, and blue ink.

Then this feeling comes…

I want to erase the black, red, and blue ink.

I want to change them into pink, only pink.

And sometimes I want to rewrite the previous stories with better stories.

Then I realize…

My story would be really boring, it’s not colorful.

And the ending might not be beautiful if I rewrite it.

Instead of change them into pink,

I want to add other colors…

Yellow, green, and purple…

Instead of rewrite the previous stories,

I want to keep writing new stories on the next pages.

I will write until I can’t move my hand.

Look, we all wear masks,
Everyone, everyday...
And sometimes we wear them so much,
We forget who we really are.
And sometimes, if we are lucky,
Someone comes along and shows us who we really wanna be,
Who we should be.

(Nikita, Season 1, Episode 8 )
 

Kenapa kamu menganggap seseorang itu sebagai temanmu,
sementara dia tak menganggapmu sebagai temannya?
Kenapa kamu tetap percaya pada seseorang,
sementara dia selalu menusukmu dari belakang?
Kenapa kamu tetap mencintai seseorang,
sementara dia tak mencintaimu sama sekali?
Menjadi bodoh itu ada batasnya.
Jangan selalu menyakiti dirimu karena kebodohanmu.
Bertemanlah dengan orang yang juga menganggapmu sebagai teman.
Percayalah pada orang yang layak untuk dipercaya.
Cintailah orang yang membalas cintamu dengan sepenuh hati.

It is true that life is a choice.
That's why I choose to be happy.
I choose to smile.
I choose to go forward.
I choose to move on.
I choose to chase the stars.
I choose to fly.

It's raining...
I remember that day again...

On that rainy day, you stood 3 meters away from me.
You said nothing, only smiled.
I shut my mouth, didn't want to talk about anything.
I looked at you without blinking my eyes.
Maybe that was the reason why my tears were flowing.
Why did you smile with pain in your eyes?
We were just standing there.
There was no stars, the moon also disappeared.
Only the rain accompanied our silence.
Then I erased my tears,
And I smiled back at you.
I nodded and said "Let's go after the rain stop".
You nodded.
Again, we stared at each other in silence...
When the rain stopped, I walked toward you...
I hugged you and said "Thank you".
And then we walked....
I took the left way, and you took the right....

If you want to die, then die alone! I'm not going to die.
Why would I die? I didn't even do anything wrong.
Even without love, I can live fine alone.
It's not like I've always had what I wanted.
In my life not even once...I was never selfish nor full of greed.
The things I want to do, the things I want, the things I wish for...
Have I ever even had any of those for at least once in my whole life?
I can live fine without love.
I will find a way to survive.
Dying is hell. Why is living supposed to be hell?
I definitely won't die...

(Gang Ma Ru_The Innocent Man, Episode 20)

"Be that strong girl that everyone knew would make it through the worst; be that fearless girl, the one who would dare to do anything; be that independent girl who didn't need a man; be that girl who never backed down."

*Taylor Swift*

I never ask for a beautiful dress.
I never ask for an expensive car.
I never ask for a diamond ring.
I never ask for a luxurious house.
I never ask for much money.
I just ask for happiness.

I cry,
but You can make me smile.
I fall down to the ground,
but You will help me to stand up again.
I break my heart,
but You want to share Your heart
I want to give up,
but You come to me and whisper to me: "Keep going."

God, I will not ask something from You.
This time I just want to say:
Thank you for my life.
Thank you for what happened in my life.
Thank you for the sickness and the health.
Thank you for the happiness and sad moments.
Thank you for the laughter and the pain.
Thank you for the smile and the tears.
Thank you for creating me into this world.
Thank you for my past, present, and future.
Thank you for the family and friends.
Thank you for not letting go of me.
Thank you for making me tough.
Thank you because I can stand on this peak.
Thank you for making me this way.

The winner of life is...
A person who always think straight although he/ she in a complicated condition.
A person who always sweet even though he/ she went through bitterness.
A person who always down to earth although he/ she on the highest peak.
A person who always stay calm when facing the storm.
And a person who always put God first upon everything.

By Leonard Peiter Pesik.
Edited and translated into English by Rut Arsari.

If you like rose, then you have to love its thorn!
If you like snow, then you have to love its coldness!

I do believe that true love does exist.
I believe that there is faithfulness.
I believe that God created someone for each of us.
I believe that we will find that person someday.
But,
I doubt what I believe.

I feel like a dirty and ugly fly.
Although you put butterfly wings on my back,
I'm still a fly.
I can never be a beautiful butterfly.
There's no point in having beautiful wings,
They will always see me as a fly.
Nothing can be done.
It's just another give up.

The fly:

I'm a fly.
A dirty fly.
I'm nothing but pest.
You never know my feelings.
Because you are a butterfly.
You have beautiful wings.
You only eat sweet nectar, unlike me.
People catch you because they are mesmerized by your good looking.

The butterfly:

I'm a butterfly.
I don't eat dirty food like you.
I have beautiful wings.
People like me because my beautiful wings.
But do you know what I was going through?
Do you know the feeling of waiting?
Or do you know the feeling of being an ugly caterpillar?
You don't know anything.
You are just a poor creature that never be grateful of your life.
We have our role in this world.
God created you with purpose.
Don't you think so?
Your job is to find that purpose.
Not to envy other and whining about useless things.

I told you that I'm not good.
I told you that I wasn't born for you.
I told you that we have different way.
I told you to stay away from me.
Do you see that narrow and thorny path?
That's my path.
I don't want you to walk with me.
Don't! Don't go with me!
Do you think you'll be happy if we walk together?
Do you think I can make you happy?
I can't guarantee that.
I can't guarantee you anything.
I can't give you love.
There's nothing left in my heart.
That's why I push you away.
Stay away from me.
I'm nothing but a shooting star in your night sky.
I can't stay longer.
I'll leave you alone.
Treasure the stars that stay with you.

I miss my Indonesia.
I miss its differences.
I miss its prosperity.
I miss its honesty.
I miss its justice.
I miss its equality.
I miss its beauty.
I miss its peacefulness.
Where is my Indonesia?

The ugly duckling saw its reflection on the water,
And gasped in surprise,
The old ugly duckling...
Suddenly...
Transformed...
Into a beautiful swan.
But, that because the ugly duckling was originally a swan.
But even after many springs,
A real ugly duckling can only continue to be a duckling.
And can never become a swan.

(Quoted from Ahiru no Oujisama)

Different year.
Different season.
Different day.
Different time.
Different minute.
Different second.
But still the same heart...
The same heart that waits for you.
The same heart that misses you.
The same heart that will always love you.
The same heart that hardly reach yours.

Don't tell me about love, because you're not my lover!
Don't tell me about friendship, because you're not even my friend!
Don't teach me about life, because for me you're dead!

If you can't run, then walk!
If you can't laugh, then smile!
If you can't love, then care!
If you can't talk, then whisper!
If you can't see, then feel!
If you think you can't continue to live on,
Then ask God to take your life.
When God doesn't answer your prayer,
Then continue to live.
Because life is an option.
If you don't want to choose A,
You still have B, C, D, until Z.

Learn from bamboo trees,
Although struck by strong wind but not easy to fall.
Imitate the stars,
Although it shines dim but not borrow moonlight or sunlight.
Keep persistent like hair,
Although it is cut continuously but never tired to grow.
Be strong like a reef,
Although hit by the waves each second, but still stand upright.
Live your life like trains,
That always goes forward and never backwards 

Belajarlah dari pohon bambu,
Yang walaupun diterpa angin kencang tapi tak mudah tumbang.
Contohlah bintang,
Walaupun sinarnya redup tapi tak meminjam sinar bulan atau matahari.
Gigihlah seperti helai- helai rambut,
Walaupun terus dipotong tapi tak pernah lelah tumbuh.
Kuatlah seperti batu karang,
Walau diterpa ombak tiap detik tapi tetap berdiri tegak.
Jalanilah hidupmu sepert kereta api,
Yang selalu berjalan ke depan dan tak pernah mundur sekalipun.

Many people live for money.
Many people live for power.
Many people live for fame.
I live for my God.
Because gold and silver will rust.
Power will fade.
Fame will extinct.
But God will not change.

I want to go home,
but where's my home?
I want to meet my family,
but who's my family?
I want to live,
But what's my reason to live?
I want to believe,
but why everyone always betray me?
I don't have anyone and anything.
There's no difference whether I die now or tomorrow,
I will always be alone.

I want to have a father who can keep his promises.
I want to have a father who loves his own family.
I want to have a father who cares about his own family.
I want to have a father who always stand for his own family.
I want to have a father who always remember my birthday.
I want to have a father who remember my name.

From children to father....

For me this is a special poem. It's not about my father, but I remember there are many fathers who forget his family because of work. Sometimes, when people too focus on their job, they will forget about their family. It is because they think that if they have much money, they can make their families happy. But, that's not the problem. It's not only about money; people often forget about this important fact. The more you think money can make your family happy, the more you walk away from happiness.

Family?
What is family?
Is it a bunch of people that related by blood?
Is it a bunch of people that you live with since you were born?
Or is it some people that can accept and love your perfection and imperfection?

There is slimming drugs.
There is drugs that can make fat.
There is hair grower drugs.
There is body growth tools.
There is whitener lotions.
I hope there is sin eraser.

You have no beauty,
A brilliant brain,
And power.
You do not know anything about life.
You're desperate.
You curse God.
You want to die.
But you can not.
Your life and dead is not you who determines.
Even before you were in your mother's womb,
Your destiny already written in the stars.

I know I'm not perfect,
but I have a perfect love for you.
I'm not pretty,
but I'll try to be pretty for you.
I know nothing about love,
but I'll try to learn it little by little.
I know a few things about you,
but I'll know a lot if you let me in to your life.

Men's love is just like an hour glass.
At the beginning is definitely full.
But as time goes by,
It will lessen,
Then empty...
At last what is left just the air.

There's no eternal love.
There's no eternal power.
There's no eternal beauty.
There's no eternal reign.
There's no eternal happiness.
There's no eternal life.
But, God is the only exception.

Tersenyumlah pada semua orang dengan tulus.
Hiburlah orang yang sedang tertimpa musibah.
Menangislah dengan orang yang sedang bersedih.
Tertawalah melihat kegembiraan orang lain.
Ulurkan tangan pada orang yang membutuhkan bantuan.
Karena suatu saat akan ada orang yang tersenyum tulus padamu.
Menghiburmu ketika kau sedang bersedih.
Menangis bersamamu ketika kau sedang bersedih.
Tertawa bersamamu ketika kau sedang gembira.
Mengulurkan tangannya padamu ketika kau butuh bantuan.


Smile to everyone with sincerely.
Comfort people who are afflicted.
Cry with those who are sad.
Laugh with those who rejoice.
Give your hand to people who need help.
Because one day someone will smile sincerely to you.
Comfort you when you are sad.
Cry with you when you're sad.
Laugh with you when you're happy.
Reach out his hand when you need help.

Like the sun that wants to meet the moon,
I want to meet you.
Like the ocean that can't be separated from the lands,
I don't want to be separated from you.
Like the rainbow in the sky,
I want to color your life.
Like a diamond for the miners,
I want you to know that you are precious to me.
Like the ring and the ring finger,
I want to be together with you forever.
Can you hear my heart's voices?

How can you love others if you can't love yourself?
How can you love your neighbor if you can't love your family?
How can you love other ethnics if you can't love your ethnic?
How can you love other nations if you can't love your nation?
How can you love strangers if you can't love your own people?

You come again.
Again, you make me waver.
Again, you offer me happiness.
Again, you promise me your pure love.
Again, you make me smile.
Again, I want to tell you the truth.
Again, I can't.
I don't need any reason to love you.
But there's a thousand reasons for me to stay away from you.

"I will not give up on you."
I want to say those words.
I want to say it in front of every one.
So that they will know you are mine.
So that they don't mock us.
So that we can hold hands in front of every one.
But I know we can't.
Maybe we weren't meant to be together...
Neither I can't ask God to give you to me,
nor I can give up on you.
This difference makes me insane,
It kills me slowly...
It's too much for a person like me...

Angry? Yes.
Regret? Yes.
Want to turn back time? NO!
No matter what happened in the past,
I will not look behind again.
I will look forward.
I will look only to the future.
Like a missile that only runs forward,
I will also look forward.

too early to cry....

too early to give up....

too early to die....

live as long as God wants you to live....

love as long as you live....

You know that this world is full of hatred.
You know that this world is full of traitors.
You know that this world is full of anger.
You know that this world is full of jealousy.
You know that this world is full of evil things.
You know that you can't do something big to change this world.
Yet, you still have hope…
You can start to help this world by folding your hands, and then closing your eyes.
And say “God, please forgive us”.

Watch your mouth,
Sometimes it is sharper than a razor.

Watch your eyes,
They are the mirror of your heart.

Watch your nose,
Something smelly doesn't always mean inedible.

Watch your ears,
Listen carefully and and filter it.

I never show my tears in front of you, but it doesn't mean that I'm tough.
I never let you to see my tired face, because I don't want to make you worry.
I never complain anything in front of you, but it doesn't mean that I'm okay with everything you said or did.
Isn't it too much if you angry with me because I can't do something for you this time?
I'm only a human, you know.
I can be tired,
I can feel pain,
I even cry if someone hurts me!
Should I show you my fake smiles all the time?
Should I laugh though I want to cry?
How many more years you want to rely on me?
What if I can't be there when you need me?
What if someday I leave you?
I don't think I can bear it this time.
I'm already in pain.

Someday....
I'll tell you I've found him.
I'll tell you that he is so good.
I'll tell you that he is the right man.
I'll tell you that he makes me happy.
I'll tell you that I'll start a new life with him.
I'll tell you that he is better than our old man.

Tomorrow....
Maybe I will be in a beautiful topical island.
I will sleep on a sandy beach,
accompanied by the sound of the waves.
The sun shines so bright.
I like the warmth..
Sunbathing until I get darker,
After that I will drink a glass of orange juice.
At night, I will have a barbeque party with my friends,
and then playing with the fireworks.

Tomorrow...
Maybe something bad will happen to me.
The doctor says  that I have a deathly cancer.
I just have a few moths to live.
It hurts me so much.
I can't even celebrate my 20th birthday.
I have to say good bye to my family, my friends,
and the person I love...

I live day by day by ignoring people's feeling.
I live in selfishness...
I can't see their love., I just see myself.
I think of no one, just my self.
I believe no one, just myself.
I love no one, just myself.

I'm not afraid of broken heart,
I still can deal with it.

I'm not afraid of losing someone,
Their love and memories still live in my heart.

I'm not afraid of being betrayed,
I'm used to it.
Because human can change their mind anytime.

I'm not afraid of falling in love.
I know sometimes love can hurt me,
But sometimes it makes me happy.
It's a so- so.

I'm just afraid of if there's no tomorrow.

I try to look for someone...
Anyone...
But I can't see anyone...
There's no one come to me.

I just need someone to rely on,
But they think I'm too strong,
They think I can do this alone...

I try to look for a place to hide,
No one give me a place,
even a little space...

I need someone to listen to me.
No one want to.
They just keep talking about themselves.

At last, I'm all alone.

I heard too much lies.
I saw so many betrayals.
I tasted so many disappointment.
I kissed so much pain.

I do nothing.
I'm too afraid to talk.
And too angry to keep them.

If I do nothing
I'm afraid God will punish me for being quiet.
I'm afraid I'll hurt many people if I talk.

The earth is my mother,
The sky is my father,
The stars are my brothers and sisters.

Every morning the birds wake me up
With their nature song.
The moon and the sun always shine above me,
They accompany me everyday.
The wind whispers the sound of the world,
The sea teaches me that there's flux and reflux in life.

See? I'm not alone or lonely.
Nature teaches me many things.
They speak, whisper, laugh, and cry.
Can you listen to nature's voice?

Look behind you,
You'll see me.
I stand behind you so I can push you
When you climb a mountain.

Look at your right side,
You'll see me.
I will hold your hand
And accompany you.

Look at your left side,
You'll see me.
I will always smile for you.
I will help you to stand up again
If you are too tired to walk on.

Look forward,
You'll see me.
I will make sure you walk on the right track.
I will help you to find the way.
I will make sure there's nothing that can harm you ahead.
I will always there
To make sure you go to the right direction.
You are not alone.

*God's voice

What is the measurement of happiness?
Have a high degree?
Have good job with high salary?
Have a happy family?
Have a billion in your bank account?
Have a healthy body?
The extent of happiness is different from one person to another.
Don't push your measurement to others.
For me, happiness is when you are still alive.

You will not walk on the same path as mine.
You will not meet the people I met.
You will not bump into the same trials as mine.
You will not spill your tears for the same problem like mine.
You will not have the same scars as mine.
You will not know my pain.
You will not hurt like the way I hurt.
Every person has their own path.
It's not right if we think we are the only one who get such trial.
It's not fair if you think others' lives are easier than yours.
It's really stupid if you think you are alone.
And it's too cruel if you think God is so unfair to make you suffer because of the trial.

People always hope they will find happiness in their lives.
But after they get so much happiness,
They easily forget about those happiness.
And when it comes one calamity,
People will curse,
They will remember that calamity for the rest of their lives.
So why you always ask for happiness,
if you'll only forget it?
But why you always remember one calamity although it's bad memory?
Isn't it better to remember one bad thing,
Instead of forgetting much happiness?

Believe, though there's no guarantee that you will not be betrayed again.
Keep trying ,though you are forced to give up.
Keep on living, though sometimes it's better to die.
Live in hope, though there's no hope anymore.

My mind and my heart are like water and oil.

They can'n be a good friend.

When I want to follow the water,

I'm afraid of sinking.

I'm afraid the flow will take me somewhere far away.

When I listen to the oil,

I'm afraid of the fire.

If the fire catch me,

I wont be able to survive.

I just can't make decision

Whether the water or the oil.

I don't want to choose one of them.

The one who controls them is me.

No matter how much pain I have to endure,

I have to make them together.

With that way,

I can keep living.

when the night comes,
you will be in the dark.

you don't like to stand in the light,
because you are a darkness creature.

you always hide in the dark,
become the shadow of the night.

you can't step out of the dark,
because you belong to the darkness.

light can't make you bright,
light can't make you shine.

you hide from the sun, the moon, and the stars.
you hide behind them.

But I, I'm the light.
I don't want you to always hide in the dark.

you have to see the beauty of the light.
I'll show you the color of rainbow.
I'll make you fall in love with the light.

I look at the oceans,
I start to ask God: "Why its color is blue, not other color?"

I look at the trees,
I ask God: "Why does trees have green color?"

I look at the ground,
I ask God: "Why the color of the ground is brown?"

Then I ask so many questions:
"Why do You create so many different skin colors,
when the color of the trees are the same, the color of the oceans are the same,
and the color of the ground is the same?"
"Can't You create us with the same skin color, so there's no people who think that they have the best skin color?"

I believe in peace,
Like I believe in fairy-tale.
Where there's fairies that live happily and peacefully.

I believe in love,
Like I believe in unicorn,
A horse that can fly.

I believe in human,
Like I believe there's a good, charming, and loyal prince.

I believe in God,
Like I believe that this world's round,
Like I believe there's a little space for love in everybody's heart,
Like I believe there's people who longing for peace,
Like I believe anything real in this world.

You come from the west,
I come from the east.
Like a story in a fairy tale,
I fall in love with you because your kindness and handsomeness...

You always smile at me,
You protect me...
I guess you feel the same...

But one day...
I find my family covered in blood.
They all died...
I see you hold a sword...
Covered by red blood.
You killed them...
You killed my family!

My father, mother, brothers, and sisters...
There're gone forever...

You love me, don't you?
So why you make me cry?
I can't hate you no matter what...
No matter how deep my sorrow, I just can't kill you.
I don't have any power to go against you...

In my life...
There have always been many things I knew I could never have.
So I know when to give up.
It's the same way now...
I don't care anymore...
It really is worthless...
If I just keep thinking that,
I'll become numb.

I stand among the crowd,
But my mind goes somewhere.
I remember our old days,
When I was still young.
You became my friend, adviser, and also rival…

Hey, old man…
Do you know that my eyes are yours?
Do you know that my nose is yours?
And do you know that my skin color is yours too?
People said that I look like you when you were young.

So, how could I possibly forget you,
If parts of me resemble you?

I don’t think I can be as good as you.
You are the best man I’ve ever known.

I’ll miss you…
Your duties become mine now.
Good bye, dad…
This is my last goodbye…

(Dedicated for my beloved friend who lost his precious father)

It was spring when we first met.
A beautiful spring.
We knew each other, but we didn't close.

Another year passed by....

It was spring again.
You were there, with your friends...
You were talking,
smiling,
laughing,
and did many silly things.
I was looking at you from a far...

Time went so fast..
It's been three years...
Since I acknowledged my feeling for you.
My feeling that similar to the spring flowers.
Sweet and beautiful.

I hope it's always spring,
So that my feeling for you will always bloom.

The first time we met,
I wanted to be friend with you.
The second time we meet,
I wanted to be your best-friend.
The third time we met,
I wanted to be a special girl in your life.
The fourth time we met,
I wanted to be your girlfriend.
The fifth time we met,
I wanted you to be mine, alone.

I've seen this in my dreams countless times.
I chased him from behind,
on and on,
and on...

He has grown so much,
even his appearance has changed.
I shouldn't have known what he looks like.
Yet, I continue chasing after him.
And every single time,
I never catch up...
The thing that I'm missing...


I never catch up,
every single time...


But,
I stretch out my hands.
I stretch out my hands over and over...
Just so I can reach you.
You, who are important to me,
and who also lack something as well.


But,
I guess I catch up this time...

When the flowers of spring blooming,
When the snow start melting,
When the scent of earth floating in the air,
When people begin to worship their gods and goddess,
The angels start to sing,
Sing a song of destruction,
Destruction upon the earth,
The angels of war come to earth,
Slaughtering,
Destroying,
The worship turns into screaming,
The anger of God to the mankind,
The anger of God because human's sins,
A little girl closes her eyes,
and starts mumbling: "Please forgive us."

I'm waiting under a big pine tree.
It's raining.
It's not really hard,
but I don't want to get wet.

It's still cold.
There's snow on the tips of the branches.
The rain last longer than I thought.
I've been standing under the pine tree more than thirty minutes.
A good smell from the tree....
It's refreshing.
The green leaves and the white snow make me calm.

I wonder when the rain will stop,
and I can go home.

I wish upon the stars.
I want to be a map maker.
The map maker of a tree of life.
The tree of life that can bring joy.

The tree of life fulls of fruits.
Every people can take the fruits.

People just don't get any clue the location of the tree of life.
People often misguided,
or they confused to choose the right way.
I hope the map that I make can help them.

I know that they are guided by their father.
Their father tries to guide them to the tree of life.
But sometimes they get bored with their father.
It makes their father really sad.
I just want to help their father.

To draw a good map I need
patience and carefulness.
Patience to redraw again if I make mistake.
Carefulness in making the details of the map.
I mustn't make any mistake.

I want to give the maps to every person in this world.
If they forget their father, or they get lost,
They can take a look at my map.
With this, I can help their father.
So they don't get lost and they will be able to get to the tree of life.

People live to find happiness.
People live to earn much money.
People live to get fame.
People live to find the meaning of love.
People live to have a happy family.
People live to work.

What if they can't find happiness?
What if they can't earn much money?
What if they can't be famous?
What if they can't find the meaning of love?
What if they don't have a happy family?
What if they can't get job?

If people only live for impermanent things in this world,
even they find happiness,
have much money and become famous,
they will not satisfied.
They will find another purpose.
That's the nature of human: never get satisfied.

At 3 my parents introduced me to punches and kicks.
At 5 my friends tought me to steal.
At 8 my friends asked me to bully someone.
At 15 I stole cars with my group members.
At 16 I went to prison.
At 20 I killed my step father.

I spent my years with extraordinary things.
People always said that I could change to be someone better.
But the case is, there's no one believe if I change.
They will think that I was a thief, a naughty kid, a murderer.
Nothing good I will get although I change to be a better person.

Life is a mess, man.
Trust someone, he/she will mess your life.
Fall in love with a good girl/ boy?
There's nothing good in this world.
There's nothing such a good prince/ princes.
It's only a beast.
Trust this world and people who live in it,
means your life is a mess.
At the end you'll end up alone.

Yesterday I made a bowl of porridge betrayal.
I needed a spoon of salt anger,
1kg of flour sorrow,
1/2kg of sugar disappointment,
1/2 spoon of sauce pain.
I mixed them together,
Then I put them together into a pot, and cooked it.

Today I made a broken heart juice.
I needed the heart of my boyfriend's girl.
1 glass of the laughter of my boyfriend's girl.
A spoon of the smile of my boyfriend's girl.
1/2kg of their love.
The last ingredient was 1 tea spoon of their affair.
I put all of them into a juicer.
Wait until they blended together and became tears.

That was the recipe that I got from yesterday and today.
If you are interested to it, then try it.

I don't want to be the sun.
It only appears in the morning,
and then vanish in the afternoon.

I don't want to be the moon.
The light is not permanent.
It can't win over the clouds.
When the clouds cover it, the light will vanish.
It will disappears when the dawn comes.

I don't want to be the stars.
They are lovely,
but the light is not bright enough.
I can't see their light in the broad daylight.

I want to be the sky.
The sky that contains the sun,
the moon, the stars, the clouds, even the storms.
The sky that always watches the ground from above.
The sky that will remain the same where ever you look at.

You don't have to tell me,
I know that I'm different.
You don't have to understand me,
I know that I'm kinda complicated.
You don't have to like me,
I know that I'm unlikable.
You don't have to treat me good,
I don't deserve it.

I just want you to have a little faith in me.
Believe me that I wont betray you.
That's the only thing I can promise.

chances often come to everyone.
but people often unaware when the chances come.
some of them even throw away those chances.
i also often skip many big chances.
regret? yes of course!
well, i'm not kind of a person who will
rest my butt in a comfortable chair and wait patiently.
i will not wait for chances,
i'll get those chances!

Do you know that I still get stuck here?
I'm still in the middle of nowhere with no one.
There are many roads in front of me.
I don't have someone to talk about which way I should take.
And I don't even know the road that leads me to the right direction.
You left me without a map or food or water.
I don't even remember how long I've been here.
Still, I can't decide the road I should take.
I'm still confused.
For me, they are the same.
But I do sure they have different endings.
I realize you will not come back to help me.
Then, I should move on without you.
But, I still want to stay here for a while.
I need time to think.
It's just not the right time to move on,
and to choose a new road.
I have to prepare some things before I walk further.
I also need to find food and water.
But I think I should go soon if I don't want to die
because of hunger and thirst.

I want to continue living,
and let the times that have passed become
part of my memories.
So that one day when I look back,
I can say that "I was happy",
with a smile on my face.

I do believe that childhood is the most wonderful phase in human life.
That was the phase when I didn’t know the word “problem” yet.
I didn’t have to think about complicated matters.
What I knew just the word “play”.
I didn’t care what would happen tomorrow.
I just needed to close my eyes, and then tomorrow would come.
When morning came I would play with my friends again.
I still remember my mom often scolded me.
I used to be a naughty kid.
I often had fights with my friends.
Well, at least I had not known that math is damn difficult.
I didn’t have to think that this world is such a mess.
I didn’t have to think about my future.
Where there were friends and lollipop that was my heaven.

setiap kerja keras pasti ada upah.
setiap keputusan yang tak egois pasti akan membawa senyum orang2 disekitarmu.
setiap jalan yang terjal, pasti punya ujung yang indah.
setiap air mata, akan dihapus oleh senyum.
setiap peluh yang bercucuran akan diperhitungkan.
setiap luka akan disembuhkan.
setiap senyum akan diganti oleh tawa.
setiap ketulusan pasti akan dibayar mahal.
hanya semua itu ada waktunya.
semuanya tidak akan terjadi secara instan.
manusia hanya bisa menunggu.
menunggu Yang Maha Kuasa membuka jalan dan pintu.

Semua orang berjalan melintasiku. Senyum maupun tangis terukir di wajah mereka. Aku hanya diam. Aku tak bergerak sama sekali. Aku merasa seperti berada dipersimpangan jalan yang ramai dengan orang yang berlalu laang. Lampu berwarna merah, menandakan saatnya pejalan kaki untuk menyeberang. Mereka berjalan disamping kiri-kananku dan depan- belakangku. Mereka berjalan, tetapi aku diam ditengah persimpangan yang ramai itu. Mereka tak menghiraukanku. Bahkan mereka tak tau  jika aku disitu. Dengan pakaian seadanya dan rambut acak- acakan, bagaiman orang bisa memperhatikanku? Bahkan untuk melihatku saja mereka malas. Mungkin mereka pikir aku adalah gelandangan yang tak punya rumah dan tujuan. Saat ini bagiku dunia sedang berhenti berputar. Jam berhenti berputar. Di duniaku aku membekukan waktu. Karena jika aku tak menghentikan waktu, aku harus berjalan lagi. Saat ini aku sedang lelah berjalan. Aku tak mau kembali ke jalan yang pernah kulalui. Tak ada yang bisa kutemukan disana. Hanya tumpukan sampah. Ya aku memang gelandangan. Dulu aku mencari makanan ditumpukan sampah. Kini aku mencari rumah, rumah yang nyama yang bisa kutempati, dengan penghuni yang mau menerima gelandangan kotor seperti aku ini. Tapi aku belum mau berjalan, aku belum mau mencari rumah itu. Aku tak mau merepotkan penghuni rumah, siapapun itu. Saat ini aku ingin sendiri, menikmati pemandangan yang sama setiap hari. Memperhatikan orang2 itu melewatiku. Melihat lampu merah yang masih menyala. Aku tak tergesa- gesa, karena tak ada yang menungguku di depan sana. Aku ingin menikmati sinar matahari, hujan dan salju yang menjadi temanku. Mereka setia menemaniku. Walaupun panas atau dingin aku tak mau beranjak. Bukan tak mau, tapi aku belum ingin beranjak. Jika aku sudah bosan berdiri sendiri di tempat ini, dan jika lampu hijau sudah menyala. Maka aku akan berjalan lagi. Aku akan meninggalkan tempat ini. Gelandangan yang dekil ini akan berjalan dan mencari rumah yang mau menampungnya. Tapi untuk saat ini, aku masih ingin membekukan waktu dan tetap berdiri di tempat ini, melihat wajah2 yang sama dan wajah2 asing yang lewat.

Waking up in somewhere
Alone….again..
I don’t surprise anymore.
Different nights,
Different places,
Different people,
And different girls..

Don’t blame me.
Blame God, who made me adored by many girls.
Cindy, Luna, Jean, Gwen, Nathalie, Anne…
Don’t make me recall all those names.
Cindy has the most beautiful eyes in this world.
Luna? Her legs are truly gorgeous.
I can hardly remember their faces.
The one thing that I’m sure about them is they are pretty girls.

Don’t ask me which one of them I like the most.
I like girls.
I love them.
Thanks God, He created Eve for Adam.
And thanks God I’m not Adam, who only had one girl.
Don’t misunderstand, honey.
I’m not a playboy,
I’m the Casanova, baby…

How can I trust my life to you
if you have a gun in your left hand?
if you have a knife in your right hand?
if you have poison in your mouth?
if you have arrow in your eyes?
even by looking at me, you can hurt me..
what will you do if you were me?

I can hardly remember you.
It happened a long time ago when I was a kid.
Those few memories still linger in my mind until now.
Sometimes I feel that I miss you.
Sometimes I feel I want to see your face,
your beautiful grey eyes,
your white and wrinkle skin,
your white hair had special smell.
I don't remember the smell,
but it was different....
I like when you smiled...
Grandma...I miss you...
I still remember I was crying when they burried you.
Unlike me, the other kids didn't cry.
I didn't know why they didn't cry.
I told God that you were a good grandma.
And I'm sure you stand close to Him now..
I told God that I miss you.
Have you received my message from Him?

Indonesiaku adalah negara suci.
Semua penduduknya adalah orang suci.
Yang ingin tinggal di negaraku harus orang suci.
Semua yang datang ke negaraku harus suci.
Bahkan para pemimpin negaraku adalah orang- orang suci.
Semua yang ada di negaraku itu suci.
Korupsi itu suci.
Pembunuhan itu suci.
Perampasan itu suci.
Kelaliman itu suci.
Semuanya dianggap suci.
Negaraku tak mengenal kata dosa,
karena semua yang ada di sini dianggap suci.
Apa kamu sudah hidup suci?
Kamu harus suci.
Jika tidak suci,
kamu akan ditangkap para penegak hukum yang suci.
Kalau kamu orang suci,
maka kamu bisa tinggal di negara suci ini.

i wanted to tell u that today was a sunny day.
the sun was shining so bright.
the heat made me a little bit hot and sweaty.
but still, i was happy...

it's 12.00 a.m.
i still can't close my eyes.
i smile when i remember funny things about u.
i cry when i remember that i can't see u again.
can u help me to close my eyes?
so i can dream about u and meet u in my dream?

i don't want tomorrow to come.
i want to sleep forever,
so that i can dream about u forever.

no matter how many times i ask God
to make me smile,
i just can't.
isn't it weird?
when we were together,
it seemed smiling was the easiest thing to do.

and then i realize,
i can't smile without u.
is it right?
no, it is not.
i have to smile even without u.
i don't want to make u worry.
i want to leave sweet memories between us.
because i love u...
that's my reason for smiling and living on my days.
maybe i'll cry again someday,
but i'll make sure i'll smile more....

(dedicated for my friend, Wiwin Winarsih, who lost her beloved lover. may God gives u strength)

someday u will know,
the feeling of forgiving someone that u don't want to forgive.

someday u will know,
the feeling of to be forced to forgive someone.

someday u will know,
the feeling of restraining from hating someone.

someday u will know,
the feeling of wanting to forgive someone,
but your pride holds your mouth to say "i forgive u".

someday u will know,
that forgiving is the most difficult thing in your life.

someday u will know,
that forgiving is a must,
not an option.

someday u will know,
that forgiving means forgetting.

someday u will know,
that u are so childish if u don't want to forgive someone.

i don't remember if u were there when i was born.
were you happy when i was born?
i wondered what kind of expression on your face at that time.
were u disappointed because i was born as a girl?
or were u happy because i was born as a girl?

when i was a little girl,
they said u barely stayed by my side.
yet, i didn't feel lonely.
sometimes, i felt that i was okay without u.
it was not that i didn't need u.
of course i needed u.

it was because i already used to live without u.
i could smile without u,
i could laugh without u,
i could fend for myself without u,
i could eat and drink without u.
i could walk and run without your help,
i knew this beautiful world,
though u never introduced it with me.

sometimes i wondered,
did u even think about me?
did u miss me when we were apart?
i didn't know what was inside your mind.

so, was it wrong if i didn't need u?
was it wrong if i only had little love for u?

when you were a baby,
i fed you,
i dressed you,
i kept you,
i carried you on the back,
i protected you from any harm,
i sang a lullaby for you every night,
i read you a fairy tale to bring you to your sweet dreams.

when you entered your teenage age,
i saw you started to spread your wings,
but i still held you.
i watched you everyday,
i knew that at these ages
love would introduce itself to you.
sometimes you saw me as an enemy,
sometimes you saw me as a friend,
i didn't mind it,
i just didn't want to see you hurt because of love.
you still didn't understand about love.

when you became an adult,
i let you to spread your wings widely,
i let you fly high,
i let you to reach your dreams.
i would not hold you anymore.

i let you fly so you could be free.

but now i can't see you anymore,
you fly too far away and high,
the sky is yours now.
fly my baby, fly..

though i can't see you anymore,
i can feel that you are happy.
i can feel your warmth through the sun's light.
i can feel your touch through the wind.
fly sweetheart...fly...

(dedicated for all parent who lost their children in Sukhoi accident)

don't always follow the sound of your heart.
it can deceive you sometimes.
the sound of your mind doesn't always wrong,
it makes you think logically.

if a person only follow his heart's sound,
someday he will break his heart.
if a person only follow his mind's sound,
that person will be a heartless person.

if life is about balance,
then you must make the balance between
the sound of your heart and mind.

i see it in your eyes,

a deep anger...

the flame in your eyes will not slake.

at that time i realize,

you look at me as a villain.

it's not what i want.

i never think that it would be like this.

the truth is,

i don't want you to choose that thorny path.

that's why i drag you from that path.

i know you are bleeding,

and i know i hurt you.

but that's the only way i know to make you out of that path.

i know,

i know that you detest me.

that's the risk i should take.

but,

isn't it the use of friend,

to make you realize when you make mistakes?

to take you back to the right path if you go to the wrong direction?

i see...

you still don't understand my intention...

you don't believe me..
your eyes say that from now on,
i'm your foe...

i decided that no one would ever again
open the box created long ago by God.
secured with many, many locks.
it still exists...
in the innermost...
depths...
of my heart.

i decided that it wouldn't be touched a second time.

but then i hear a terrible sound,
from the innermost...
depths...
of my heart
sealed..
and secured by many of my own locks.
it was not to be opened a second time.

it was the sound
of the last lock
being opened...

yes...
i got a taste of this emotion
in the not- too distant past
i remember this feeling...

(Skip Beat!)

human is simply like a kite,
has many different colors and shapes.

if kite can fly,
human also can fly too,
to reach his dreams.

if kite has string.
human has a life string,
that's what we call 'destiny'.

if kite is flown and controlled by someone.
then human also being controlled too,
by God.

both human and kite need someone
to control them,
so that they don't fly aimlessly.

human is simply like a kite....

i have many expression...

but it doesn't always show my true feelings...

when i smile,

it doesn't mean that i'm happy.

when i cry,

it doesn't mean that i'm sad.

when i choose to be cool and silent,

it doesn't mean that i don't have anything to say.

when i talk to much,

it doesn't mean that i'm mad.

i'll never let anyone see my true feelings.

i'll always hide my feelings deep in my heart.

because if i let people see them,

they will know my weakness.

i hate when people know my weakness.

an angel gets bored with heaven.
the angels doesn't want to obey God anymore.
the angel doesn't want to protect God's secrets anymore.
the angel turns against God.
the angel puts off her white wings,
and puts on the black wings.
the angel goes down to the world below.
the angel feels the pleasure to be the part of the world below.
the angel commits the greatest sin.

will God forgive her?
will God picks her and brings her back to heaven?
will God gives her her white wings again?
will God tells her God's secrets again?
will God trust her again?

if u are mine,
i'll treasure u...
if u are mine,
i'll give u my life and love...
if u are mine,
i'll make u the happiest person in the world...
if u are mine,
i'll let u take the control of everything...
if u are mine...
i'll do everything u want...

if u are mine,
i'll accompany u to watch romance movie...
if u are mine,
i'll cook everyday for u...
if u are mine,
i'll sing a lullaby for u every night...
if u are mine,
i'll be by your side until u sick of me...

it's only if u are mine....

it's okay if u don't love me.

it's okay if u never think about me.

it's okay if u don't remember me.

it's okay if u think i'm an unimportant person.

it's okay.....

i just want to leave a little of me in your heart.

if cinderella doesn't have the glass shoes,

if snow white doesn't eat the apple,

if the beauty doesn't like rose,

will they be able to meet their princes?

i already decided not to fall in love.
so, no matter how i madly in love with u,
i'll restrain my self.
i'll keep my self away from u.
because i should not fall in love at this point.
though i admit that i fall in love with u,
i'll find a reason not to fall in love with u.
i'll find many reasons to deny it.

you, even if u tripped and fell into a pit...
u only want to remain in your own beautiful world.
u and i live in two really different worlds.
people like u,
who live in another world,
can't compete with me from the start!
if u want to beat me,
then u must leave that world...
and fall into the pit.
when u do,
i will recognize u as my rival.

(Skip Beat! Chapter 30)

what is love?

what is the meaning of love?

i never know about love.

the one thing that i know from the word "love" is

it's an adjective, not noun or verb.

that's it.

but one day i saw them.

i saw that old man and his wife.

i saw them entering the church.

i watched how the way the wife held the old man's hand.

i saw her bright smile when she looked at her husband.

they sat in front of me.

the old woman gave candy to her husband.

sweet....

the old man didn't sing,

maybe he was too old to sing,

or maybe he couldn't sing the song.

near him,

the old woman sing happily.

i never took my eyes off of them.

when they walked outside the church,

the old woman smiled at me,

the old man only looked at me.

i didn't know what to do.

then i just smiled back.

i smiled like a little kid saw an ice cream.

i didn't know why,

but i was really happy to see them.

again, she held her husband's hand tightly.

they walked slowly out of the church.

and then i realized,

that was love.

those wrinkle faces and old smile were what i called love.

i saw love through those weak hands that hold each other.

i can't see your face,
but every time when i close my eyes,
you always stand still in front of me.

i can't hear your voice,
but it seems there's your voice recorder in my head,
that makes me always remember your voice.

i don't need to go to your place if i want to see you.
i don't need to meet you if i want to hear your voice.

i don't want to notice about my feelings.
no, i don't want to.
because i know that you don't even notice my existence.

if this what people call fall in love,
then i must be madly in love.

i want to see this world.
i want to meet many people.
i want to know more about this world.
before i die,
i want to go around the world.

you don't know my story.
you don't know my life.
you don't know what kind of person I am.

i don't want you to know it.
i don't want you to know me.

don't, don't come close to me.
don't, don't say that i'm good for you.
don't, don't say that you will protect me.
don't, don't say that you love me.

i can take care of myself.
i don't need your love.
i don't believe in love.
i can stand alone.

don't ask me why,
because u will not find the answer.
don't ask me why,
because u will not satisfy with my answer.
don't ask me why,
because i'm not smart enough to answer it.

don't ask me why i can't open my heart.
don't ask me why i can't fall in love.
don't ask me why.

let me tell you a story...

deep in the forest,
there's a princess live with her family.
they live very happy.

one day,
the princess feels that she wants to go out of the castle.
she wants to go outside.
she wants to see the world outside the stone walls.
she wants to see the green forest.

she thinks that the world outside the castle must be amazing.
she thinks she can find beautiful villages with the friendly villagers.
she thinks she can play with the cute animals in the forest.
she thinks she can have a great adventure.
she even thinks she can meet a handsome prince,
who is hunting for a deer in the forest.

finally,
without knowing anything about what kind of world outside the castle,
she decides to go out of the castle.
she walks out of the castle gate.

it's really different with her imagination.
she doesn't find cute animal in the forest.
she doesn't find beautiful villages.
she doesn't find a handsome prince.
because she sees those beautiful things only in a story book.

what she can find only dark forest.
sometimes she hears the wolves howling.
it makes her trembling.
when she wants to go back,
she already goes to far.
she can't find way back home.
she gets lost.

in that dark forest which is full of unknown danger,
she stands alone.
no family,
no friends,
no one comes to get her.
she is alone.

it's useless to regret it.
the wolves can get her anytime they want.
the wind can rip her body.
the ground can eat her alive.
the sky can fall upon her.
the forest will make her die alone, and slowly.
she will die in loneliness.
no one will find her body.

_____THE END_____

tik-tok-tik-tok....
the clock is ticking so fast
it can't move backward.
it only can move forward.

tik-tok-tik-tok....
no one can rule the time.
it is not something that people can control.

tik-tok-tik-tok....
it will never stop.
it will not wait you.
don't stop or you'll left behind!

tik-tok-tik-tok....
be careful with the time...

fall in love is the greatest thing in this world,
it's a miracle when u love someone and that person loves u back.
because not all people can be together with the person they love.

if someone breaks your heart, don't get lost.
stand still and smile.
because another love will come to your life.
it's okay to be sad.
u'll find a new love.

don't stop walking,
if you need to run, then run.
yet, love is not something that u can get in a hurry.
don't run to fast,
take a rest if you tired.
u don't know if u'll find your new love while u take a rest.
be patience, love will come to u.
there's no need in a hurry to find your love.

it's never change.
the thing i hate the most is still the same.
i hate the sun the most.

it's too bright,
i can't stand it.
sometimes i get dizzy by its light.

i want to hide from it.
i want to run away from it.
i want to avoid it.
unlucky,
no matter i want to hide, run away, or avoid it,
i still need it sometimes to warm my whole body.

this morning i tried to stay in my room all day long,
but it was getting cold somehow.
the sun was shining so bright outside,
contrary, i felt really cold in this room.

i still didn't want go out.
i thought i couldn't stand its light.
i was afraid if i would get burn.
my body and my heart.

let me stay in this coldness,
i don't want to see the sun.
yes, i hate the sun.

your future is dark and gloomy.

no hope, no light, only sorrow.

your dreams are only nightmares.

never end nightmares.

no happiness nor smile in your face.

tears always in your beautiful eyes.

kill, kill yourself and die!

why do you want to live?

there's no dream and hope for you!

go, go to hell!

no one cares about you!

there's no road you can choose,

you don't have the right to choose.

your destiny was chosen since you were born by those people.

cry, you only can cry.

no one will wipe your tears.

no one will stand by your side.

you are all alone.

kill, kill yourself and die!

sometimes you don't realize that
you hurt someone,
you make someone cries,
you break someone's heart,
you upset someone,
you say mean words to someone,
you do bad things to someone,

but when you realize it,  will you regret it and ask for apologize?

sleep, sleep my dear...
i'll escort you to your dream.
have a beautiful dream,
where there's no hatred and revenge.
dream a beautiful dream,
where there's hope, love, and peace.

sleep, sleep my sweetheart...
because only in a dream you can find good things in this world.
because only in a dream, you can reach all your dreams.

sleep, sleep my beloved...
i'll stay by your side.
i'll sing a sorrow lullaby for you.
a lullaby song of tears and blood.
this sorrow lullaby will send you to a beautiful dreams.

sleep, sleep my love...
this is my sorrow lullaby.

aku bukan jendral yang memimpin peperangan.
aku juga bukan raja yang bersembunyi ketika perang pecah.
aku bukan permaisuri yang hanya bertugas untuk melayani raja.
aku bukan putri catik yang dipinang oleh pangeran tampan.

aku hanya 1 dari berlaksa-laksa prajurit yang ikut berperang,
yang jika gugur di medan peperangan tak akan digubris oleh siapapun.
orang tak akan mengingat jasaku atau budiku pada negaraku.
tapi aku akan tetap berjuang walaupun orang tak mengenangku setelah aku mati.

sekarang ini tugasku sebagai prajurit yang ada digaris terdepan.
hidup dan mati bukan pilihan.
hidup dan matiku adalah takdir.
entah hari ini, besok, atau lusa, aku tak tahu kapan maut menjemputku.
yang kutahu pasti adalah aku harus bertempur.

you were created for one special reason.
there's no one born without any purpose.

do u know why God creates the poor?
so that the rich can look down,
and help them to get out of the poverty.

why God creates the handicapped?
so that the normal more appreciate their body.

have you found out why God creates you?

i go to the south.
i find many skinny people.
i see people with different skin color from mine.
i see tiny and dirty houses.
i feel sorry for them.

i go to the east.
i feel a little bit secure here,
there are many people who have the same skin color like mine.
i see that the east fades little by little.
it's replaced by something different.

then i go to the west.
what a wonderful place.
steel buildings, luxurious castles, and modern cars.
the west people never care about me.
they busy with their own business.
arrogant and individualist.

now i'll go to the north,
hope i can find things better that in the south, east, and west.

that night i saw the stars.
the stars were shining so bright.
they had their own light, unlike the moon,
who borrowed its light from the sun.

there were so many in the night sky.
they covered the sky with their light.
there was one big star that drew my attention.
it shone so bright.
it was the brightest among the others.

i wonder if i go near them,
did they look pretty like i saw them from far away?
if they looked pretty only from far away,
then i would not go near them.
i would stay here,
and saw their light from far away.

my life is not a story,

it's not an adventure,

it's not a game,

it's not a wheel,

it's not a journey.

my life is God's masterpiece.

do whatever u want, love.
we are too old to give advice to each other.
believe what u want to believe,
i will not go against u.

if u think it's the best way,
then take that way.
i never force u to go through my way.

look, love.
i never try to persuade u.
i never do good in giving a persuation speech.

if u sick of me,
then i'll go.
i'll leave u alone with the things that u think it's right.
if u think that i push u,
u are wrong.
i just try to make u understand,
maybe it's not as best as u think.

i just want u to think twice.
see, love.
i care too much about u.
i have a big hope u'll change ur mind.
however, love.
i will not talk anymore.
i will not stick my nose on ur life again.
because u will not change ur heart,
and u don't believe me.

be free, love.
do wahtever u want.
i'll leave u alone.
i'll pray for ur happiness.

"Enjoy your life, it's simple."
"Life is easy if you open your mind."
"LIfe is as easy as you flip your hand."
"Your life is easy if you enjoy it."

Those are several sentences that I get about life.
People say life is easy, life is not a big deal.
And I NEVER agree with their statements.
For me, life is never easy. Life is difficult.
Though I enjoy it, life still difficult.
There's no such an easy life.
In life, you have go through much pain.
You have to struggle if you want to be happy in your life.

You have to face many trials.
Sometimes life forces you to choose, though you don't want to choose.
Sometimes life bring you to two different roads, and you have to choose the one that will lead you to the right way.

Sometimes you get tired and bored with your poor life.
In the other side of the world, there's a person who gets bored with his glamour life.

If life is easy, there will be no hunger and war.
If life is easy, there will be no suicide.
If life is easy, there will be no mother who sells her children to get money.
If life is easy, there will be no crimes.
If life is easy, there will be no hatred and revenge.
If life is easy, there will be no people who lives under the bridges.
If life is easy, you don't have to try hard to be happy.

I DETEST people who say life is easy!
There's no such an easy life!
Nothing's easy in this world!

when u lost your hands,
it's not the end of your life.

when u lost your legs,
it's not the end of your life.

when u lost the person u love,
it's not the end of your life.

when u die,
it's not the end of your life story.
death is only a bridge to the next life.

your life ends when u lost your hope and faith

sometimes you will cry because of small things.
sometimes you will laugh because of small things.
sometimes you will get bored because of small things.
sometimes you feel tired because of small things.
sometimes you will get angry because of small things.
sometimes you will complain because of small things.
sometimes you will strong because of small things.
sometimes you will fall in love because of small things.

ada beberapa perkataan yang tidak perlu untuk dikatakan.
ada kasih sayang yang tidak perlu untuk ditunjukkan.
ada air mata yang tak perlu dikeluarkan.
ada kenangan manis yang tak perlu untuk diingat.
ada beberapa hal yang harus disimpan,
dan ada juga hal yang harus dikeluarkan.

i used to be a prostitute,

do u still want to marry me?

i used to be a prisoner,

do u still want to marry me?

i used to be a murderer,

do u still want to marry me?

i used to be a drugs addict,

do u still want to marry me?

i used to be a drunkard,

do u still want to marry me?

i used to be a gay,

do u still want to marry me?

i used to be a lesbian,

do u still want to marry me?

i used to be the bad guy,

can u accept me?

can u forget about my past?

can u accept me without looking back to my past?

and can i FORGET about my past,

if i'm with u?

what if an angel doesn't has a wing?
do u still call him an angel?

what if the sun appears at night?
do u still call it sun?

what if tigers don't eat meat?
do u still call them tiger?

what if milk turns into black?
do u still call it milk?

what if the one u love betray u?
do u still love him?

what if your father betray u?
do u still call him "father"?

what if your mother betray u?
do u still call her "mother"?

what if this world never stand on your side?
do u still want to live in it?

what if God never answers your prayers?
do u still believe in God?

i'm tough,
because I cry a lot.

i'm tough,
because I go through much pain.

i'm tough,
because He trains me.

i'm tough,
because I have to fend for my self.

i'm tough,
because I'm alone.

i'm tough,
because there's no need to be weak.

i'm tough,
because people around me.

i'm tough,
because He asks me to.

i'm not a bird,
but i can fly.

i'm not the sun,
but i can keep u warm.

i'm not a bee,
but i can sting u.

i'm not a snake,
but i'm poisonous.

i can be good,
but also can be bad.

i can be pretty,
but also can be ugly.

apa kamu tau kenapa aku memilihmu?
1. karena aku percaya padamu.
2. karena aku percaya kau orang baik.
3. aku tak perlu mencintaimu untuk percaya padamu.
4. aku tau kau akan membawa perubahan besar.

aku memilihmu bukan hanya karena janji- janji yang kau umbar.
aku memilihmu bukan karena dorongan dari orang lain.
aku memilihmu dengan sepenuh hati.

apa kau tau aku menaruh harapan besar padamu?
apa kau tau kau harus bertanggung jawab padaku, yang sudah memilihmu?
sadarkah kau akan posisimu?
sadarkah kau jika aku memberimu kesempatan?

kemana kau akan membawaku?
mana janji- janjimu?
mana sumpah- sumpahmu?
apa itu hanya bualan belaka?
apa itu hanya rayuan supaya aku memilihmu?

wahai para pemimpinku,
dimana kalian ketika aku kelaparan?
dimana kah kalian ketika aku menderita penyakit yang tak kunjung sembuh?
dimana kah kalian ketika aku, anak, dan istriku meringkuk dibawah jembatan?

akulah yang membawamu ke kursi megah itu.
akulah yang menjadikanmu kaya.
akulah yang menjadikanmu terpandang.
akulah yang memilihmu.

ketika semua orang membanggakan diri di depan orang tua mereka,
aku hanya tersenyum pahit.
ketika semua orang tua membanggakan anaknya,
orang tuaku hanya tersenyum simpul.
ketika aku berkata:
"aku tidak sepintar mereka,bu."
"aku tak bisa seperti mereka, pak."

jawaban orang tuaku hanya:
"kami bangga padamu, walaupun kami tak pernah mengatakannya pada orang- orang."
"kami bangga karena kau anak kami."

bukankah begitu seharusnya jawaban yang diberikan orang tua?

we are in the same world,
but we are totally different.

like the earth and the sky,
they can't be together.

like the moon and the sun,
they have light and same duty,
but they can't appear together.

like the water and the fire,
the sword maker use them to make the best sword.
but they have different function.
if they are mixed, the sword maker can't use them to make sword.

like the light and the darkness,
maybe they can together in a same place.
but people will always know which one is the light and which one is the darkness.

we can't walk together.
we weren't made for each other.

colors are good,

i like there are many colors in the earth.

i can't imagine if there's only black or white.

colors make the world prettier.

sometimes people never think that their words can hurt others.
they never think before they talk.

do u know that tongue is the most dangerous part of ur body?

with ur tongue,
u can make someone cries,
u can make someone smiles,
u can make friends,
but u also can make enemies,
u can make someone dies,
but u also can make someone gets her/ his spirit back.
or u can even die because of ur tongue.

hold ur tongue carefully.
hold it back.
think twice before u say something.

"i'm the man who has loved u for 5 years"

i'll just stare at him, if there's a man said something like that to me. then i'll say: "i think u need to go to psychologist, and u have to do the therapies.maybe there's something wrong with ur mind."

but, if there's a man said:
"i hate u, i keep my hate for 5 years. and i will always hate u."

i'll smile to him, and say thank you.

because compared to love, that will disappear one day, hatred remains in your heart longer.

i always run away from the things i'm afraid of.
i was scared of being betrayed by others.
i couldn't go any further once i thought about it.
but actually i always want a place where i can relax my self and depend on.
a place that only belongs to me.

I want to give u my eyes,

So u can see how beautiful u are through my eyes.

I want to give u my mouth,

So u know that every time I always say “I love u”

I want to give u my hair,

So u know how much I love u

I want to give u my hands,

So u know that I always want to hug u

I want to give u my heart,

So u know that this heart is beat just for u

I want to give u my legs,

So we can walk together to the future

Tidak perlu menjadi orang kaya jika ingin memberi.

Tidak perlu pintar untuk menjadi sukses.

Tidak perlu cantik untuk menikmati hidup.

Tidak perlu korupsi untuk menjadi orang kaya.

Tidak perlu sekolah untuk menjadi pandai.

Tidak perlu tahta untuk menjadi seorang raja.

Tidak perlu menggenggam dunia untuk menjadi pemimpin.

Tidak perlu berlari untuk meraih mimpi.